Christmas Eve 2011

It’s nearly 9 AM now. Morning chores seemed to drag. Might have something to do with my restless, three hours of sleep night I had last night…but the jury is still out on that one.

The battery is dead in my truck. The water was froze in the barn and in all of the animals dishes this morning….that slowed things down a bit!

Mr. Farmer is in taking a nap at the moment, buried under a pile of big warm blankets (that I made actually but can never seem to stay under long enough). Today is the first day of his winter break vacation. He doesn’t have to go back until after the 1st of the year. Too bad he doesn’t know it yet…but, freezing temperatures or not, we have lots of work to do around the farm. His vacation isn’t going to be much of a vacation.

I keep trying to think of something that would be the perfect gift for him this year. To date, I am drawing a complete blank. It’s almost amusing that I have just hours left and still nothing for him. I am usually so prepared and I have drawn him something. It is usually already wrapped and under the tree weeks ago! Ugg…Nothing seems to have gone right this holiday season!

Even my Christmas cards still sit here in a pile…all signed, sealed and ready for stamps. I just never made it to the post office! Something always happened and I could never seem to make it there.

I am sooooooo disappointed in myself this year. Half of the decorating I normally do didn’t get done. Nearly all of the baking has been put on the back burner…I did somehow manage to get a small batch of chocolate chip cookies made. No gingerbread, no fudge, no rum balls…good heavens I feel like such a slacker! I do have cheese though…and LOTS of it.

I still haven’t finished the gifts for my granddaughters either. Thank goodness we won’t see them until New Year’s Eve. But, that means that I am going to have to get my hands moving to get them done. Mr. Farmer keeps telling me if I wasn’t spending time on Twitter, Facebook and here, I would have more time. Too bad he doesn’t seem to understand that this is really my only connection with the outside world, discounting the guy at the feed store!

I live, eat and breathe this farm and our biomass business. I don’t have time to socialize evenings like other people do. Usually by 9 pm, I am so tired I can’t stand myself anymore. That is one of the biggest downfalls from having a farm and working from home. Everything is work, work, work and there is zero escape from it all. Everyday develops into a routine of coffee, chores, coffee and breakfast, work, lunch, more work, more chores, dinner, dishes, laundry and bed. It sounds rather uneventful and boring but that couldn’t be farther from the truth!

Everyday is full to the brim. If it isn’t, my mind starts whirling and I start getting into trouble…starting projects and not finishing, getting lazy and sitting around starring at the walls, watching the dust build on the furniture….there is no rest for the wicked. There is always something that needs to get done. My daily to do lists never get completely finished. There is always something that is left undone that will have to wait until tomorrow.

We, meaning farmers, do our best to set routines. To keep everything on a steady even timeline throughout the day, the week, the month and the year. Sometimes weather messes that up. Sometimes it just nonsense things that break and need repairing. But, all in all, there are times that specific jobs must be done. Cows must be milked on a regular schedule, which in turns means that they need feeding on a regular schedule. The chickens and turkeys are no different.

Maybe I just have severe OCD’s when it comes to the animals. Especially since my house looks like a bomb went off, especially the kitchen, and the barns are so clean. Yeah, you can’t tell where I spent most of my time, can ya? I am not domesticated. Mr. Farmer seems to think that I was raised in a barn. Maybe he’s right. I sure did spent a lot of time there when I was a kid. Maybe I am just more at home in the barn than I am inside the house. Cows don’t talk back.

Well, yeah they kind of do, but nothing that hurts your feelings like humans have a tendency to do. They don’t tell you when things go wrong that it is all your fault. They don’t belittle you for being who you are. They are kind of like dogs and usually happy to see you coming. They like their lovies too! I admit, I am a completely different person in that barn! Completely different! I am calm.

Calm is typically not in my vocabulary. I am a space case. I bounce around like a little mexican jumping bean. I am always on the go, always on the move…but you get me around those cows and life just changes for me. To me, being around them is compared to what others feel like sitting along a beach somewhere watching a sunset. It’s peaceful, inspiring and feels like God has reached down personally to touch my little spot in the world.

Speaking of God, this Christmas season has really made me evaluate what is really important to me. It all started over asking for a cowbell charm for my gift. I don’t think I am going to get it…but, it was definitely worth a try! It made me start thinking about what I want (again). I get my gifts of life everyday. I am blessed enough to be surrounded by so many things I love. My animals (not things but you get the point), the land that provides so much for us, beautiful views and wonderful talents (some of which I am still discovering). I am truly blessed with life in general. I am extremely far removed from where I thought I would be but that’s okay. Yes, there are things I miss and that I regret, people that I really wish I could see and some I would give anything to just be able to say “I love you” too.

This Christmas Eve, I am giving you all a present. It’s a bit of advise. It may sound ironic but truly it is important.

Live your life with the least amount of regret as possible. Forgive those that hurt you, sometimes those we love end up hurting us the most. Don’t be bitter or try to get even, just live to do what makes you happy. Find peace in the little things that surround you, even that small spring flower bud peaking through winter snow can lift a spirit, if only you allow it too. Stop being negative and search for the positive in everything.

And, last but definitely not the least, make sure you tell those who make an impact on your life, how you feel about them. Tell those you love, that you do love them. Hold nothing back and give it all, asking nothing in return. That is rare to find these days and you will definitely set yourself apart from the crowd.

That’s enough rambling thoughts from me for now…….Safe travels. Stay warm (or cool in warmer regions). Share your love with your family and friends. Have a blessed and Merry Christmas to all!

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