There are just too many things to worry about tonight. It’s now 1:37 am on Christmas Eve.
I have done ZERO shopping, just had one of the worst days of my life and lost one of my girls. Not even Xanax has a cure for what ails me tonight.
I keep thinking and seriously second guessing myself every step of the way. My Scarlett girl has made me triple guess myself. I am slowly dying on the inside, swirling around inside my over stuffed brain, trying to figure out what to do.
As a small farmer, I took a huge hit today. Not just in a vet bill or emotionally either. I have been hit in planning. These three young heifers were suppose to be the next additions to my milking herd. And now I am down one of them….one that was going to be an important part of that plan.
Farming is always a huge risk. I try to reduce as many risks as possible. I keep barns clean, feed good food, make sure there is always lots of fresh water….but most people don’t realize what kinds of investments we small farmers put into time and energy to ensure our stock stays healthy and happy.
Some people say that livestock are not pets, that we shouldn’t befriend them…well critics be damned! I know all of the cows, calves, bulls and steers names. I know their personalities. I know what foods they like and don’t. I can almost map their days out on timeline sheets better than I can my own. I know when they are tense, scared, nervous or not feeling well. I know my cows better than I know myself!
After yesterdays incident, I keep asking over and over, and over some more…how could I have gone so wrong? I need this answer. I need to know this for future reference…Her death will not be in vain!
Farming is about always learning. Learning the hows, the ways and the whens. Everyday presents itself with new challenges (which sometimes do not turn out for the better, no matter how hard we work and pray for a good outcome), new ideas and sometimes even new practices. To me, all of these questions and concerns have GOT to have the cows interest, welfare and happiness as the main priority.
The Holidays don’t change the day to day operations, the wandering minds or the worry. Yes, we may sit down to a large meal with more family than usual and escape some of our harsh realities, but for the most part…it is just another day around the farm.
I really need some sleep…still need to do my shopping for Mr. Farmer and I still have no idea what to get. Later is a trip to the local feed store, time to move a couple more bales and somewhere in there..fit in time to go to “town” to pick him up something. Life never seems to slow down!