I thank God

As the Garth Brooks song says, “I thank God for unanswered prayers.”

Things have been busy since my last post. We have been measuring up and marking out where our new perimeter fence is going, new alley ways will be put and looking at the run off from our upper field. We have been inspecting the land around our beautiful six acre pond, developing a plan of action and seriously considering what else needs to get done.

It’s been fun filled jaunts across muddy fields in the pickup, muddy feet from wet ground and scratches on my legs from blackberry bushes but it will all be worth it in the long run.

So, why am I thanking God for unanswered prayers?

Prayers I didn’t even know I was asking, have been answered. I sit here this morning with many of the house windows open (it’s 52 degrees outside), listening to the birds chirping, the roosters (ours and the neighbors) crowing, and a cup of hot coffee in my hand. It’s 6:30 am and life is good. Watching the sun come up over the hill filtering through the fog of hanging moisture in the air…I am never happier during the day than I am in this type of moment. I can just barely see the cows in the paddock outside the windows. This is what real peace feels like to me.

Even though things have been difficult over the past several weeks with working two additional jobs on top of our farm and business, it’s moments like these that seem to clear my mind completely. My unanswered prayer was that I wanted to be busy. Jobs from before sunrise until late at night to keep my hands busy, to prevent the pain I feel inside and to pay these bills that just seem to grow by the day. I prayed for God to make sure that I could cope with all of the work I need/have to do now. I prayed that He would help me get through life in general until things got better.

And then, this morning while relaxing with my coffee and looking out the window, listening to the birds chirp, I realized something. I realized that what I have asked for is not humanly possible. I can’t continue to live life this way. I have to realize that I need these quiet moments. I also realized that no matter what, I need to do what is right for me and my health. Something that is a difficult lesson for me since I have this habit of putting everyone else first. I need to find my own internal peace and then just take each day as it comes, putting one foot in front of the other.

I can work and do the best I can. On the farms, at my job or working on something to make an extra $10 bucks I will do what I can. I can’t force earning money and still find happiness. I know we all do things we don’t want to do. But, what if you could live the life you wanted and be happy doing it? Well, I have that chance but it doesn’t come without risks. I just have to weigh the pro’s and con’s…and right now, my biggest pro is that I have to learn to take better care of myself. I have to learn again how to enjoy every moment, good or bad.

As the fog lifts off the ground, it is lifting off my mind and heart too. I thank God today for not answering my prayers and showing me today that life is good. That no matter what job I work, how much money I make or don’t, and that no matter who is in my life or isn’t that in the end, I am all that matters. I need to take care to really enjoy all that has already been given to me, which has been more than my wildest dreams could ever think up.

I am wondering….

Has anyone out there in the world had a moment like this? Did life lead you down a road you never thought possible?

 

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